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  • feedwordpress 08:00:21 on 2018/07/12 Permalink
    Tags: , , , Toxic People,   

    This Is the Smart Way to Handle Toxic People 

    Over the course of your career, you’ll probably end up working with all kinds of
    people—some you love, some you could live without, some you learn from. But
    the worst kind of people to work with are those who are toxic.

    Working with a toxic person causes all kinds of problems. They arrive with drama and demands and (eventually) leave you in their cloud of negativity, feeling exhausted and mistrustful. But the worst thing about toxic people is the stress they create for everyone around them.

    We know that stress can have a lasting negative impact both physically and mentally. That makes it important to know how to handle toxic people to minimize your own involvement and danger.

    Handling a toxic person is a process and it takes time. There will good days and bad days, and you’ll need to call upon all your smarts and emotional intelligence. Here are some tips:

    Create clear boundaries. When you are talking to a toxic person, establish a boundary, making sure you do so proactively and deliberately. If you let things happen naturally, you’re bound to find yourself constantly entangled in toxic conversations. If you set boundaries and decide when and where you will engage with a toxic person, you stay in control.

    When they go low, you go high. Toxic people are notorious to for hitting below the belt, for being cruel and disruptive. Whatever they do, don’t give in to the temptation to meet them at their level.

    Scan your own emotions. Learn how to scan your own emotions. If you feel yourself getting upset—and sooner or later it’s likely that you will—respond to your own emptions rather than any external force. A thoughtful response is far better than a knee-jerk reaction. When you respond, you stay in control.

    Be a problem solver, not a problem contributor. When you fixate on the problems you’re facing, you create and prolong negative emotions and stress. But when you focus on actions to better yourself and your circumstances, you create a sense of personal advantage that produces positive emotions and reduces stress. Toxic people may maintain a single-minded fixation on their own problems, but you really do have a choice.

    Check your surroundings. When you find yourself around someone who’s endangering your thinking and stability, it’s time to regroup—and maybe even remove yourself physically—so you can move forward in the best way. Always be aware of your surroundings.

    When you cannot change the situation, you can only change yourself. When you feel that you’re stuck in a toxic situation or that those you work with are difficult, it’s time to take back your control. The situation may be bad, but it doesn’t mean you have to lose control.Regardless of your situation, you can always be in control of yourself.

    Construct a support system. It’s tempting to think you can handle toxic people on your own, but in truth it’s important to design your own support system to gain perspective and give us insight when we need it most. A successful coach or a qualified mentor may be able to see a solution you can’t, probably because they’re not as emotionally invested.

    Lead From Within: The only way to handle a toxic person is to be smart about how you approach them.
     


     

    N A T I O N A L   B E S T S E L L E R
    The Leadership Gap: What Gets Between You and Your Greatness

    After decades of coaching powerful executives around the world, Lolly Daskal has observed that leaders rise to their positions relying on a specific set of values and traits. But in time, every executive reaches a point when their performance suffers and failure persists. Very few understand why or how to prevent it.

    buy now

     

     


    Additional Reading you might enjoy:

     

    Photo Credit: iStock Photo

    The post This Is the Smart Way to Handle Toxic People appeared first on Lolly Daskal.

     
  • feedwordpress 15:42:45 on 2018/06/10 Permalink
    Tags: , , , , , , Toxic People,   

    5 Staggering Reasons You Attract Toxic People 

    Who we attract has a lot to do with who we are.

    It’s easy to get upset by toxic people who may be present in your life. If you’re asking yourself how they got there to begin with, you may want to look at your own thoughts and behavior as a source of the attraction.

    Here are five of the most common ways that can happen:

    1. You’re a pleaser. Driven by negative self talk, you worry that you have no value unless you’re doing something for someone. You think being a good person means never say no, and that doing everything for everyone is the way to make people happy. If you’re a pleaser, toxic people come from miles away to take advantage of you.

    2. You’re a fixer. You have a hard time leaving things alone.You think of yourself as a great problem-solver, but that often means overstepping boundaries and causing havoc in your relationships. Toxic people find you attractive because, much as they do with the pleaser, they take advantage of your good nature and desire to help.

    3. You’re always comparing. If you’re constantly looking over your shoulder and wondering why others have more than you–more money, more education, more success, whatever–you’ve probably discovered that toxic people love to take advantage of your lack of self-respect.

    4. You feel like an imposter. Like drawing comparisons,feeling that you’re an imposter or a fraud is based on low self-esteem. In this case, it takes the form of guilt and inner shame that you don’t deserve to be where you are. You do everything you can to show you’re smart enough and good enough–and toxic people are quick to use your insecurity to their own advantage.

    5. You’re a perfectionist. When you pride yourself on being a perfectionist, you’re sending the message that you will do anything to keep from letting someone else down. Toxic people are quick to manipulate you into doing all kinds of things in the name of perfection.

    The cure for any of these is similar. Get your self-esteem up to healthy levels. Practice positive thinking and affirmations, be grateful for your opportunities and abilities, and focus on your mission and purpose to take the weight off yourself. Set healthy boundaries and stick to them, and respect other people’s rights to live their own life and make their own mistakes.

    If you give them nothing to work with, toxic people will leave in search of more productive targets–leaving you in peace.

     


    N A T I O N A L   B E S T S E L L E R

    THE LEADERSHIP GAP

    What Gets Between You and Your Greatness

    After decades of coaching powerful executives around the world, Lolly Daskal has observed that leaders rise to their positions relying on a specific set of values and traits. But in time, every executive reaches a point when their performance suffers and failure persists. Very few understand why or how to prevent it.

    buy now

     


    Additional Reading you might enjoy:

     

    Photo Credit: Getty Images

    The post 5 Staggering Reasons You Attract Toxic People appeared first on Lolly Daskal.

     
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