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  • feedwordpress 08:00:21 on 2018/08/30 Permalink
    Tags: , , , , , , Personal Development, ,   

    Avoid These 7 Phrases When You Are Giving Feedback 

    Giving feedback is never easy, especially if the feedback isn’t entirely positive.

    The job of a great leader, manager and boss is to give feedback in a way that comes across as a gift—something useful, not something that makes the recipient feel bad about who they are and what they do.

    There are some phrases that are almost guaranteed to carry a lot of negativity no matter how well-intended they may be, and you should absolutely avoid them if you don’t want to be misunderstood. Here are some of the most common:

    “If only you . . . ” Using “if only” in any feedback conversation will shut down the recipient’s ability to hear anything that follows. There’s no good place for that phrase to go—“If only you were better,” “If only you were smarter”—and it can never convey anything positive.

    “To be honest . . . ” These words are rarely a good idea—those who have to protest their own honesty are often hiding something. But it’s an especially unwelcome phrase during a review. When giving feedback, allow the conversation to come from a place of natural honesty and trust.

    “No offense . . . ” This phrase is another one that’s worth eliminating in every situation, not just when you’re giving feedback. As soon as you say “no offense,” your listener knows you’re about to say something offensive.

    “You should . . .” how many times have you heard the phrase “you should” and thought to yourself something like “I would if I could, but I can’t so I don’t.” It’s nearly impossible to use you use “you should” without implying judgment. Provide concrete feedback and allow people to come to their own conclusions about what action they should take.

    “If I were you . . . ” Bottom line: you’re not. So unless you’re directly asked, “How would you handle this?” it’s best to keep this opinion to yourself.

    “Try to be more like . . . ” Comparing people doesn’t make anyone feel good, and it doesn’t achieve the results you want to see. Define the problem by sharing clear details rather than comparing one person to another.

    “If you want to succeed . . .” Success looks different to everyone, and this phrase may be seen as threatening, especially if you’re giving feedback for development and growth.

    Work to avoid these phrases to help keep your feedback effective. Be clear, be detailed, and be kind, and your feedback will most likely be received in the supportive manner in which you offer it.

    Lead from within: When feedback is given well, it shouldn’t alienate the receiver but should motivate them to perform better and be better.

     


     

    N A T I O N A L   B E S T S E L L E R
    The Leadership Gap: What Gets Between You and Your Greatness

    After decades of coaching powerful executives around the world, Lolly Daskal has observed that leaders rise to their positions relying on a specific set of values and traits. But in time, every executive reaches a point when their performance suffers and failure persists. Very few understand why or how to prevent it.

    buy now

     


    Additional Reading you might enjoy:

     

    Photo Credit: iStock Photos

    The post Avoid These 7 Phrases When You Are Giving Feedback appeared first on Lolly Daskal.

     
  • feedwordpress 08:00:14 on 2018/08/28 Permalink
    Tags: , Decison, , , , Personal Development, ,   

    The Best Way to Offer An Opinion On Anything 

    Giving an opinion is a common way of interacting with other people in formal and informal settings. Unsolicited opinions may be unwelcome, but most leaders find themselves being asked to express an opinion fairly often—and those with a reputation for wisdom are asked constantly.

    Leaders are asked opinions about all kinds of things, from day-to-day affairs What should we do about this situation? What’s the best way to handle this difficult client? Does this person look like a good hire? to strategy and tactics (How aggressively do we want to pursue growth? How can we best achieve our goals? Does our mission statement need to be updated?) and even broader concerns (How will the current political climate affect our ability to serve our clients? What industry-related lobbying should we consider?).

    If you want to give your opinion and you want to be heard, you must follow these principles:

    First, make sure that the situation warrants an opinion. There are many cases where silence is the wiser path.

    Ask yourself if you’re the best person for the job. People will always come to leaders for an opinion, but there may be someone else on your team—or even in another area or organization—who’s better qualified to respond. In those cases, you build more personal credibility by recommending someone else than by giving your own opinion.

    Start by listening politely. Before you express your opinion make sure to listen. You’ll know exactly what’s being asked of you, you may learn more about the issue in the process, and the person doing the asking will be more engaged and receptive.

    Think before you speak. Before you open your mouth to say something, take a step back and think through exactly what you’re going to say. Consider your tone and make sure your word choices leave as little room as possible for misunderstanding or trouble. Maintain a professional demeanor and be mindful of your body language.

    Make sure you have all the facts. Everyone has the right to express their opinion, but make sure to do your research and know the facts first. The more you know, the more you can put into words what you mean to say.

    Say what you think in a detailed, straightforward manner. Provide as many relevant specifics as possible when you give an opinion to ensure that people fully understand your point of view. Focus on the who, what, when, and where of the situation to make a detailed statement of your opinion.

    Use “I” statements. “I” statements are powerful because they promote connection and don’t make the others feel alienated or excluded. People often state opinions in a way that makes them sound like facts—a habit that puts off the people they’re trying to persuade. A simple preface like “I think…” or “In my experience…” can be all you need.

    Provide the reasons for your point of view. Provide reasons and build a case to support your point of view. Your opinion gains credibility when it’s backed up with solid data.

    Some phrases to consider using:

    In my opinion…

    From my point of view…

    I would say…

    My impression is…

    I think…

    Speaking personally…

    I am of the opinion that ….

    Lead from within: Everyone has their own ways of expressing their opinions and we all have something to say, but finding ways to say it effectively is half the battle.

     

     

    N A T I O N A L   B E S T S E L L E R
    The Leadership Gap: What Gets Between You and Your Greatness

    After decades of coaching powerful executives around the world, Lolly Daskal has observed that leaders rise to their positions relying on a specific set of values and traits. But in time, every executive reaches a point when their performance suffers and failure persists. Very few understand why or how to prevent it.

    buy now

     


    Additional Reading you might enjoy:

     

    Photo Credit: iStockPhotos

    The post The Best Way to Offer An Opinion On Anything appeared first on Lolly Daskal.

     
  • feedwordpress 08:00:35 on 2018/08/14 Permalink
    Tags: , , Impostor Syndrome, , , , , , Personal Development, ,   

    5 Easy Ways to Escape The Impostor Syndrome Trap  

    Imposter syndrome is a common psychological phenomenon in which you feel that you’re the only person in the group who doesn’t have it together. You feel you don’t deserve the good things that have come your way. And the more others recognize your achievements, the more you feel like a fake. You’re basically always looking over your shoulder and waiting to be called out as a fraud.

    In my research as an executive leadership coach, I have found that 99 percent of all high-achieving individual suffer from some degree of imposter syndrome—that means you and I and many of the people we know all suffer from this syndrome. So how do we escape the trap of the imposter syndrome? It’s largely a matter of five simple steps:

    1. Recognize that the syndrome exists. The first thing you have to do is recognize that imposter syndrome actually exists. With acknowledgement comes awareness and with awareness comes the power to manage your own thoughts. Remember, it’s not what you are that holds you back, it’s what you think you are not that keeps you from success. Feeling like an impostor at times is, for many of us, a natural side effect of learning the ropes and gaining expertise.

    2. Acknowledge your capabilities. Sometimes we get so caught up in what we don’t know that we forget we’re actually more capable and more competent than we think. Our skills are strengths that can take us wherever we go through whatever we do. We just have to acknowledge them, own them and allow them to carry us when we feel insecure and filled with self-doubt.

    3. Be proud of your accomplishments. Take ownership of your accomplishments—each and every one qualifies you to own your success. Take your accomplishments and truly experience them, learn from them, absorb as much as you can from them. Prepare yourself for your own greatness by keeping your mind conditioned to accomplish more. To own your accomplishments with pride is the one of the bravest and best things you can do when you’re feeling insecure or doubtful.

    4. Remember that perfection isn’t real. Recognize that the perfection doesn’t exist— problems will arise and you’ll make mistakes. It’s not perfection but doing your best in your challenges that gives you the confidence you need to feel assured in your achievements. When you expect perfection, you tend to overlook your own strengths. Those who try to appear perfect will eventually mess up, the confident will feel insecure and the informed will second-guess themselves. That’s the nature of an imperfect life.

    5. Stop comparing yourself to others. One of the greatest accomplishments in life is learning to resist comparing yourself to others, because that’s a war you can never win. There always will be someone who is smarter, better or even more successful, but that shouldn’t be your concern. The true measure of success comes within yourself. How do you measure up against who you are and what you want to do?

    At the end of the day, we must learn to value ourselves, which means we must tell ourselves that we are good enough, smart enough, capable enough. And if we have to learn something new we will, because what we do in life ultimately comes out of who we believe we are.

    Lead from within: Our confidence comes from doing what we do best. The only thing that can bring us down is allowing our own insecurities to keep us stuck.


     

    N A T I O N A L   B E S T S E L L E R
    The Leadership Gap: What Gets Between You and Your Greatness

    After decades of coaching powerful executives around the world, Lolly Daskal has observed that leaders rise to their positions relying on a specific set of values and traits. But in time, every executive reaches a point when their performance suffers and failure persists. Very few understand why or how to prevent it.

    buy now

     

     


    Additional Reading you might enjoy:

     

    Photo Credit: iStock Photos

    The post 5 Easy Ways to Escape The Impostor Syndrome Trap  appeared first on Lolly Daskal.

     
  • feedwordpress 08:00:26 on 2018/08/07 Permalink
    Tags: , , , , , Personal Development,   

    12 Mistakes to Avoid As a First Time Leader 

    Studies show that about half of all new leaders either fail or give up on pursuing a leadership path. New leaders always have a lot to learn, and mistakes—sometimes lots of them—are part of the process. But some mistakes are more costly than others. If you can avoid the worst of them, you can build your credibility and deliver the results that will steer you toward success.

    New leaders don’t have to look green. Avoid these foundational mistakes and people will assume you’re a seasoned and experienced leader.

    1. Letting your emotions get the best of you. When you’re in a position of leadership you can never let your emotions control you. Of course you’re going to experience emotions, and in some circumstances it’s appropriate for those emotions to be visible—but never to the point where you’re no longer in control of the situation.

    2. Compromising on your values. There will always be pressure that comes with leadership. Sometimes compromise is the best way forward, but at other times you’ll be asked to make an outright choice that goes either for or against your values. When that moment comes, remember that the best leaders chose what’s right, not what’s easy.

    3. Dismissing the importance of clear communication. A leader who fails to provide clear guidance is frustrating for everyone within their sphere. When communication is ambiguous, when reports and instructions are unclear, people feel uncertain and hesitant to act. As a leader, its important to understand that people crave guidance and clarity.

    4. Demonstrating bullying behavior. Any leader who thinks bullying will get people to do what they want, is not only a bad leader but doesn’t even have a clue about leadership. Every true leader understands that there’s a direct correlation between how people are treated and how they work. Fear is never a good motivator, but encouragement always works. Bottom line: all bully leaders eventually fail and fall.

    5. Fluctuating priorities. It’s difficult and stressful to work for a leader who is constantly changing their mind, or shifting their view of what’s important. as a leader, you need to realize that your inconsistency will cause turmoil. therefore, as a leader you must decide what is important and keep it a priority.

    6. Lacking accessibility. Leaders need to be present and available. The more you’re in touch with your people, the more you’ll know what’s going on and the more people will trust you with what’s happening. Everyone occasionally needs a minute or for a question or report or to brag about a success. Accessibility improves not only morale but also productivity, because you’re there to provide answers and keep things moving.

    7. Reprimanding people in public. This is a principle that is worth repeating and repeating again: if you have to reprimand someone or even discuss a mistake, do it in private. When people lose dignity, you lose respect.

    8. Talking dishonesty. It’s a simple truth that honesty breeds trust and dishonesty erodes it. When you tell the truth, you never have to keep your story straight. Lying may save you some trouble in the short run, but nothing is worth your integrity.

    9. Displaying favoritism. It’s appropriate to praise top performers, but remember to spread positive attention as much as you can, especially in public. Favoritism, or even the appearance of it, will cause unhappiness, kill productivity, and cost you in respect. Nobody likes being overlooked.

    10. Acting as though you’re the smartest in the room. Even if you are—and it’s never a safe assumption—never act like it. Don’t make pronouncements, but ask questions and listen. Listen to learn, listen to understand, listen to empower others to speak their mind.

    11. Making promises you cannot keep. Those you lead take you at your word. What may seem like a minor promise to you may be much more important to them. Your responsibility is to be accountable to your promises and make them happen. You can’t lead if you don’t keep your word.

    12. Saying “my way or the highway.” If you aspire to being thought of as a leader who’s  domineering, dictatorial, and close-minded, this kind of attitude will get you there quickly. It shuts people up and shuts them down. If you want to be a successful and respected leader, make it a point to consider the opinions of others and be willing to adjust your decisions if better ideas come along.

    Lead from within: We all make mistakes, but some mistakes have a higher price tag than others. Especially when you’re just starting out, set a good tone and make sure you stay far away from avoidable major mistakes.

     


     

    N A T I O N A L   B E S T S E L L E R
    The Leadership Gap: What Gets Between You and Your Greatness

    After decades of coaching powerful executives around the world, Lolly Daskal has observed that leaders rise to their positions relying on a specific set of values and traits. But in time, every executive reaches a point when their performance suffers and failure persists. Very few understand why or how to prevent it.

    buy now

     

     


    Additional Reading you might enjoy:

    Photo Credit: iStock Photo

    The post 12 Mistakes to Avoid As a First Time Leader appeared first on Lolly Daskal.

     
  • feedwordpress 08:00:40 on 2018/07/31 Permalink
    Tags: , , , , , , , Personal Development, ,   

    6 Big Career Mistakes That Can Sabotage Your Future  

    We all make all kinds of mistakes—some because we’re inexperienced, some because we don’t know what we know, and some, unfortunately, because we have a tendency to keep repeating that one mistake until we finally learn our lesson.

    Thankfully, most mistakes don’t do lasting harm and can even benefit us in the long run. There are, however, some mistakes that are so damaging they amount to career sabotage. Here are six of the worst:

    Believing you must KNOW everything and DO everything to be successful. It’s important to become a subject matter expert, but when you think you have to know everything and do everything, you are setting yourself up to fail. You come across not only as a micromanager but also as someone who doesn’t trust your team or colleagues. The most successful people are good at letting those who are qualified do their job and at finding ways to collaborate and work together to get things done.

    Thinking your leadership skills will develop naturally with time. Big mistake! You can be extremely competent in what you do, but if you don’t have any leadership coaching, mentoring or guidance, don’t expect to keep moving up—or even to stay where you are. Everyone who leads others has to be constantly working on their leadership development. As a leadership coach for top executives, I see this all the time—those who get promoted to prestige jobs don’t think they need any more coaching. But leadership is a skill that requires constant nurturing and developing. It may mean devoting time each day to your growth as a leader or hiring a coach  to help you sharpen your interpersonal skills and build your confidence.

    Suffering from S.O.S. (Shiny Object Syndrome) SOS is an ailment of distraction, and it affects businessmen and women who are entrepreneurial, specifically because of the qualities that make them unique: high levels of motivation, a craving for new technology and new developments, and the courage to start new projects and create new things. Think of a small child chasing after something shiny. Once they get there and see what the object is, they immediately lose interest and start chasing the next thing. I am sure you can see how this would derail a successful career. Once you reach a certain level, success isn’t about getting new opportunities but getting the right opportunities. The time you spend looking for the next new opportunity is time you could be working on your own goals or simply enjoying your life.

    Putting your life on hold while you chase success. If you don’t have a life, you don’t have a career. Thinking that putting in longer hours will make you more successful is a big mistake. It’s not the hours but the quality of what happens in those hours that matters. I have seen gifted, talented individuals who work all day and all night and still are not as effective as those who come in early and leave early so they can have time with their family. Study after study shows that you’re at your most effective when you take breaks, nourish your body, walk, exercise, meditate. Don’t work yourself ragged, neglecting your family, friends, and health in hopes that things will improve. Prioritize your tasks and become more efficient, and you can spend less time at the office.

    Chasing the title but not being equipped for the role. Those who are average at what they do chase after titles more than results and effectiveness. Seeking out high status instead of focusing on building skills may not be the only way to disrupt your career, but it will get the job done. Stay focused on the substance, not the symbol.

    Burning the bridge and not understanding the effects of the fire. You never want to become that person that the HR people use as an example: “I have a good story—a good example of what not to do when you leave a job.” Those good stories make for bad references and missed opportunities. And far too often they’re about poor behavior during an exit from the company. It’s easy to get swept up in the excitement of wanting to tell everyone what’s wrong, what isn’t working and how the place you have been is the worst place. It may feel good in the moment—everyone who’s ever had a bad job understands the desire to go out this way—but it isn’t likely to change anything and it will cost you in long-term career damage.

    The important principle is never to make the same mistake twice, especially when they’re mistakes that will derail your career.

    Lead From Within: Keep growing in strength and in knowledge and stay focused on your goals, and you’ll never have to make those mistakes that will derail your career

     


     

    N A T I O N A L    B E S T S E L L E R
    The Leadership Gap: What Gets Between You and Your Greatness

    After decades of coaching powerful executives around the world, Lolly Daskal has observed that leaders rise to their positions relying on a specific set of values and traits. But in time, every executive reaches a point when their performance suffers and failure persists. Very few understand why or how to prevent it.

    buy now

     


    Additional Reading you might enjoy:

     

    Photo Credit: iStock Photo

    The post 6 Big Career Mistakes That Can Sabotage Your Future  appeared first on Lolly Daskal.

     
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