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  • feedwordpress 08:00:02 on 2019/10/31 Permalink
    Tags: , , , , , , Life Skills, , , , ,   

    12 Phrases That Will Help You Resolve Any Conflict   


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    Conflicts are an inevitable part of any workplace and a constant source of stress for many leaders. Conflict resolution is an important skill for any leader to master.

    Like many other challenges, conflicts can actually present opportunities for positive change. Effective conflict resolution can build deeper relationships and foster more effective communication.

    One of the issues many leaders face in conflict resolution is simply knowing what to say. Here are some effective phrases that I have coached my clients to use in times of conflict. Try them out the next time you’re faced with a conflict:

    I sense that you’re feeling emotional about this topic. Is that right? Sometimes to break tension you need to label the emotion. Never ignore emotions, because they will only escalate. Labeling acknowledges what the person feels without judgment, helping them feel recognized and acknowledged and decreasing their tension.

    Let’s take a breather before we think this through. Sometimes the best thing to do is to take a break. The word breather is deliberate—giving pause to the situation and giving everyone involved a chance to take a few deep breaths.

    Thank you for your candor—I appreciate your feedback. Most people who tell the truth don’t receive appreciation. The best way to resolve conflict is to remain open to all feedback, because resolution requires that people tell it like it is.

    I recognize your efforts and hard work. Most people are appreciated only for results, not for the effort that they put in—especially if that effort was part of something unsuccessful. If you appreciate someone’s effort you are telling them they are valuable even if they haven’t succeeded. Helping people feel appreciated and valued can establish a positive connection and help open up common ground.

    Let’s work on this problem and fix it together. This phrase is important because instead of placing people on opposite sides of the conflict, you are signaling partnership. It shows that you care not just about resolving the current conflict but also about building and maintaining a spirit of collaboration.

    Tell me more—I want to understand. Most people speak to be heard, but few take the time to understand. This phrase is powerful because everyone wants to be understood. It doesn’t mean you have to agree, just that you are willing to hear them out.

    Let’s see what we can do to make sure it doesn’t happen again. When you express concern for the work without placing blame, you shift the discussion from a defensive back-and-forth to a prevention-focused exploration.

    What can we do to change the situation? The important word in this phrase is we—it’s not about what you can do or what you can tell them to do. Using we signals collaboration instead of hierarchy and problem-solving instead of finger-pointing.

    Yes, you’re completely right. If you are miles apart, find something you can agree on together so you can start the conversation with this phrase. When people feel heard and validated, they’re more likely to engage in a constructive dialogue.

    I wasn’t aware of this—tell me more. Stating your ignorance is sometimes a good place to begin defusing a situation. Stop talking and really listen; let the other person know that you are interested in what they are saying. Keep asking questions and listening empathetically until you get to the root of the conflict.

    I am with you on that. It can be hard to hear yourself being blamed, but your willingness to be held accountable can work wonders. If you let people know you are with them, you can not only resolve the current situation more readily but also avoid future confrontations.

    How can I support you? This phrase is one that every leader should use over and over and over again—in conflict, in dialogue, in conversation, in all communication. It eases stress, defuses conflicts and sets a positive tone for relationships.

    One of the biggest mistakes leaders can make is trying to avoid conflict. Dealt with the right way conflict can be a force for positive change. It opens the channel to better communication and stronger relationships.

    Lead from within: The bottom line is that conflict will always exist, but a satisfactory resolution and positive outcomes are within your power.

     


     

    #1  N A T I O N A L   B E S T S E L L E R

    The Leadership Gap: What Gets Between You and Your Greatness

     

    After decades of coaching powerful executives around the world, Lolly Daskal has observed that leaders rise to their positions relying on a specific set of values and traits. But in time, every executive reaches a point when their performance suffers and failure persists. Very few understand why or how to prevent it.

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    Additional Reading you might enjoy:

     

    Photo Credit: iStockPhotos

    The post 12 Phrases That Will Help You Resolve Any Conflict   appeared first on Lolly Daskal.

     
  • feedwordpress 08:00:50 on 2019/10/22 Permalink
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    How You Can Add Value to Your Meetings 


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    If you think you spend way too much time in meetings, you’re not alone. Most of us know the feeling of looking at the calendar, seeing one meeting after another, and realizing that you have virtually no time in the day to actually accomplish the things you need to do. It’s frustrating.

    But if you’re going to be stuck in meetings, you can turn it into a better experience by making a positive contribution. If nothing else, a meeting is a visible forum for your ideas and professional presence. Nobody wants to be the person who just shows up and zones out. These tips will help you be a strong performer in meetings:

    Be prepared. One of the biggest problems people cite about business meetings is a focus on too many questions and not enough answers. Half the time seems to be spent bringing people up to speed and answering questions that wouldn’t need to be asked if everyone had come prepared. Set a good example by making sure you know everything you need to know going in.

    Play to your strengths. If you were invited to a meeting, you’re there because someone thought you had something to offer. Take advantage of the chance to show your knowledge and competencies. Don’t be a showoff, but speak with confidence and a clear point of view.

    Keep it short. We’ve all been in meetings with people who love the sound of their own voice. You can be the most valuable person in the room just by expressing yourself clearly and concisely. If there’s a concept that’s too complicated to explain quickly, don’t take everyone into the weeds. Give a quick overview and offer to follow up with more detailed information for anyone who’s interested.

    Ask questions. Actively participating by asking questions shows that you’re engaged and interested in the discussion. Try to ask open questions, which encourage dialogue and can help generate new ideas. Questions can allow you to clarify the position of others, improve your understanding of an issue, and show respect for the expertise and opinions of your colleagues.

    Speak up to highlight issues. Many people find it easier to go along with the majority in meetings rather than highlighting the issues and working through them as a group. Although it can be daunting, meetings are the first place where issues should be discussed, and you shouldn’t hold back. A willingness to speak up and go against the flow demonstrates strategic thinking and shows your commitment to the team and its success.

    Volunteer to stand out. Listen for any upcoming assignments, projects and other activities where you can volunteer and make a difference Offering to go outside your regular duties will go far in demonstrating your value to the team.

    For most of us, meetings aren’t a favorite way to spend our time at work. But knowing how to make an effective contribution in meetings is a great way to demonstrate your value and voice your ideas.

    Lead from within: Meetings can’t be avoided. But if you do the things no one else is doing, you can use them to help make the difference you want to make.


    #1  N A T I O N A L  B E S T S E L L E R

    The Leadership Gap: What Gets Between You and Your Greatness


    After decades of coaching powerful executives around the world, Lolly Daskal has observed that leaders rise to their positions relying on a specific set of values and traits. But in time, every executive reaches a point when their performance suffers and failure persists. Very few understand why or how to prevent it.

     

    buy now

     


    Additional Reading you might enjoy:

     

    Photo Credit: iStockPhotos

    The post How You Can Add Value to Your Meetings appeared first on Lolly Daskal.

     
  • feedwordpress 08:00:51 on 2019/10/10 Permalink
    Tags: , , , Life Skills, , , ,   

    The One Skill That Will Make You a Successful Leader 


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    He was a smart leader, but he wasn’t respected by many people in his organization. I was brought in to coach him and found him to be reluctant and aggressive. Our first couple of conversations were not merely unpleasant but downright hostile.

    I knew if I was going to connect with this man I would have to be very straightforward. I told him, “You think you don’t need me, and I hear you—but if you keep doing what you’re doing, you’ll be out of a job within six months.”

    He was silent. I continued, “A leader needs followers, and right now no one wants to work for you or with you.”

    My frankness surprised him. And then he surprised me by quietly asking, “What do I have to do to become a leader that people follow?”

    We started with the one leadership skill that’s often overlooked but fundamental to success. It’s a simple principle, especially when it comes to leadership—to be open no matter what. Here’s what it looks like in action:

    When people speak to you, listen to understand. Everyone worries about being well spoken, but few people truly listen. Learn how to focus in and listen.

    When people say something, express curiosity. Approached with a new idea, most leaders are quick to give their thoughts or opinions. But great leaders pause and want to know more. They’re curious enough to always be open to something new.

    When people make statements, ask questions. Move in a level deeper and ask lots of questions. You’ll be more informed and build stronger connections.

    When people share ideas, show interest. It’s amazing how much people will value you for the simple act of being interested and attentive to their ideas.

    When people say something you disagree with, don’t judge. We all have biases. If you catch yourself judging something out of hand, stop and open up enough to examine what’s really being said and what lies beneath it.

    When others are prideful, be humble. We all know people who are egotistical and prideful of what they do, who seek attention wherever they go. Let them be who they are, but remember for yourself that humility and modesty demonstrate respect for others and will take you far.

    When people feel discouraged, empower them. Instead of further demoralizing your team when they’re down, give them back their power. Make them feel they are capable of doing the impossible and let them know you believe in them.

    When people go the extra mile, recognize them. Sometimes even extraordinary effort goes unnoticed. Make sure you recognize not only successes but also perseverance and imagination and courage.

    When people work hard, be appreciative. Most people genuinely want to please their leaders, and there are many who work quietly but do more than their colleagues standing closer to the spotlight. Public appreciation and praise will go far toward keeping anyone motivated.

    If you want to succeed, you must put this skill to work. For my client, that meant challenging himself and turning it into a habit, so for the next 30 days he worked on making sure that every interaction led people to feel good about themselves.

    Thirty days later he was a leader with a purpose, committed to staying open, because he saw a change in himself and in how others treated him.

    He had become a leader with followers—followers who were now learning to respect him

    Lead from within: There are many leadership skills, but there is one that can lead you to be the leader you want to become. Staying open can have a huge impact, not only on yourself but also on those you lead.

     


     

    #1  N A T I O N A L   B E S T S E L L E R

    The Leadership Gap: What Gets Between You and Your Greatness

     

    After decades of coaching powerful executives around the world, Lolly Daskal has observed that leaders rise to their positions relying on a specific set of values and traits. But in time, every executive reaches a point when their performance suffers and failure persists. Very few understand why or how to prevent it.

    buy now

     


    Additional Reading you might enjoy:

     

    Photo Credit: iStockphoto

    The post The One Skill That Will Make You a Successful Leader appeared first on Lolly Daskal.

     
  • feedwordpress 08:00:16 on 2019/09/19 Permalink
    Tags: , , , , , Life Skills, , , , ,   

    7 Important Habits of Leaders Who Know How to Listen 


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    Great leaders must be effective communicators. That means they have to know how to speak and write clearly—and it also means they also have to know how to listen. Most of us don’t think of listening as a communication skill, but it’s one of the most important. The best leaders are skilled at listening—here’s how they do it:

    They listen with full attention. Most people like to speak, but it’s far more rewarding to listen with your full attention. You retain more, and people talk more—because the sincerest form of respect is actually listening to what another has to say.

    They listen to learn. In most exchanges, people simply react to the latest comment — a logical and often effective approach. But the best leaders are listening to learn. They don’t track conversations as a back-and-forth but as a path to new information. Listening, learning and putting into practice what you’ve learned will always be the best way to build success.

    They listen to understand. Most people listen with the intent to reply in the front of their mind. But true leaders know that in order to empathize and connect with others, you have to first understand them, and that understanding comes from good listening.

    They listen without interrupting. Most leaders have a genuine desire to be helpful, so it’s always tempting to chime in when someone’s speaking. But when you jump in to be helpful, you’re actually robbing them of the chance to fully express themselves and solve the problem on their own. Instead of rushing to respond when someone else speaks, try to zero in on what they’re actually saying. You can always offer help later if it’s still needed.

    They listen to form connections. The best listeners have developed their ability to hear and form connections—and then articulate the connecting points. When you listen and you are able to form connections with what is being spoken, you’ll find you’re well prepared to help people put their thoughts in context and decide what to do next.

    They listen without needing to reply. If you want to be known as a great communicator, you have to learn how to listen without thinking about your reply. As the old saying goes, we have two ears and one tongue. Focus entirely on understanding what’s being said.

    They listen to silence. Sometimes the most important thing in communication is hearing what isn’t said. Listen for awkward pauses, omissions, hesitation. When you do, you’ll become aware of things you haven’t heard before..

    The most successful people I know are the ones who do more listening than talking. Great communication is more about hearing others than it is about being heard yourself.

    Lead from within: When you really listen well, you’ll be able to engage more deeply with your team, colleagues and customers, and that is the sign of great leadership.

     


    #1  N A T I O N A L   B E S T S E L L E R

    The Leadership Gap: What Gets Between You and Your Greatness


    After decades of coaching powerful executives around the world, Lolly Daskal has observed that leaders rise to their positions relying on a specific set of values and traits. But in time, every executive reaches a point when their performance suffers and failure persists. Very few understand why or how to prevent it.

    buy now

     


    Additional Reading you might enjoy:

     

    Photo Credit: iStockPhotos

    The post 7 Important Habits of Leaders Who Know How to Listen appeared first on Lolly Daskal.

     
  • feedwordpress 08:00:16 on 2019/09/05 Permalink
    Tags: , , , , , Life Skills, , , , , ,   

    10 Phrases That Will Help You Handle a Micromanaging Boss  


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    If your boss is a micromanager—the kind who wants to maintain as much control over you as they can—you know how frustrating and irritating it is. It’s possible, though, to take back some control—and these phrases can help you make that happen. Use them to start an effective dialogue that can result in more autonomy and less micromanagement:

    I’m going to do everything in my power to make you look good. If you tell your boss you want to make them look good, there is no reason for them to hound you. Accustomed to resistance, most micromanagers will be glad to hear something positive.

    Your success is important to me. Feed the ego of your micromanager and let them know their success matters to you. Their controlling tendencies are likely to ease if they believe your mind is on them—as they want it to be.

    Tell me how you like the work to be done. You may be able to circumvent a hovering micromanager by getting all the information up front. It will help you do the job you are supposed to do while also meeting their expectations.

    I will do an excellent job for you. When you reassure a micromanager about the quality of your work and show them that excellence is important to you, you may be able to put their perfectionist mind at peace.

    I know you want to help me succeed. Disarming a micromanager is important, and labeling their negative action into something positive may have them agreeing with you. Thank them and let them know you appreciate their investment. The recognition will make them feel good about themselves and it may help them give you some peace.

    I value your guidance. This is another way of disarming the micromanager with a positive twist. If you acknowledge their counsel, you may be able to persuade them that you will come to them when you need them.

    You sometimes know things about the situation that I don’t. This phrase feeds the micromanager’s ego and lets them know that you acknowledge their higher position and that you’ll check in when you need to know more.

    All the hovering, adjustments and changes are affecting my productivity. If nothing else is getting through, tell the truth and be straightforward. Leaders are measured by how much their team achieves. They know that productivity issues reflect poorly on them.

    I am going to show you how I do it on my own. Give the micromanager a rest by walking them through your own processes, showing them your competence and care.

    I am always open to your feedback. Holding yourself open for your micromanager to teach, guide, and mentor can help keep your work relationship on the plane where it belongs.

    A leader who’s constantly looking over their employees’ shoulders can inspire a lot of second-guessing and paranoia, and ultimately ends up running away their most talented people. To stop the micromanager—or at least get them out of your hair—try each of these approaches in turn until the situation is under control.

    Lead From Within: Most people don’t take well to being micromanaged because it leads to a loss of control and autonomy. But there are steps you can take before you decide to leave.


    #1  N A T I O N A L   B E S T S E L L E R

    The Leadership Gap: What Gets Between You and Your Greatness


    After decades of coaching powerful executives around the world, Lolly Daskal has observed that leaders rise to their positions relying on a specific set of values and traits. But in time, every executive reaches a point when their performance suffers and failure persists. Very few understand why or how to prevent it.

    buy now


    Additional Reading you might enjoy:

     

    Photo Credit: iStockPhotos

    The post 10 Phrases That Will Help You Handle a Micromanaging Boss  appeared first on Lolly Daskal.

     
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