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  • feedwordpress 04:52:00 on 2018/06/16 Permalink
    Tags: , , Coworker, , Hate, , , , ,   

    How to Get Along with a Co-worker You Hate 

    Hate is a strong word. But sometimes you will likely have to work with people you have a hard time getting along with, and over time those feelings can grow into something strong enough to warrant the word.

    Maybe they’re untrustworthy, or lazy, or self-aggrandizing, or unaware of how their habits affect others. Maybe they just rub you the wrong way. Whatever the issue,  you may be feeling that the only way to make it better is to leave.

    But if leaving isn’t an option–or if you like your job and don’t want to give it up–there are things you can do to cope.

    Here are seven ways you can make life more bearable with a co-worker you despise:

    If you can’t change the situation, you have to learn to change yourself.

    If you can’t change the other person–and the odds are high that you can’t–what you can do is to change yourself. Work to adopt a different attitude and mindset. Remember that leadership begins from within, and by developing the resources to deal with your frustration, you’re building a valuable skill.

    To get a solution you must first reframe the problem.

    It’s easy to recall all the things you dislike about your coworker, but instead work to reframe them by focusing on their good qualities. As a coach, when I help people navigate conflicts, I always have each person state a few things that they appreciate about the other. If you can come from a positive side and find something, however small, to feel good about, you’ll be much better off.

    Let the things that irritate you lead to a better understanding of yourself.

    When you have a strong reaction to someone else, psychology says that it might be projection or envy. When you realize you’re totally irritated by something, take a moment to consider whether it might relate to something you dislike within yourself. What we hate in others is likely to be a reflection of our own worst qualities.

    Remember that whatever you resist will follow you.

    If you can’t find a way to work through what you’re feeling, chances are that you’ll have to face the same issue down the road. The lessons we encounter in life tend to be repeated until we manage to truly learn and internalize them. It’s human nature to resist these patterns–and the more important the issue, the more resistance we throw at it. But if you work through it now, you can save yourself a lot of trouble.

    Be radically honest no matter how much you want to hide the truth.

    Hating anyone burns up your emotional bandwidth and energy, keeping you from the things you need to do. Be honest and have a courageous conversation by being vulnerable about voicing your opinions. Much of the time, people are completely oblivious to how their behavior makes other people feel. Bringing their lousy behavior to their attention may open the door and change things for the better.

    Treat feedback as a gift that you are given in the present.

    When you confront someone, you also have to be prepared to listen to their side. Seek first to understand-pay attention to what is being said, taking in body language and tone as well as what’s spoken, then respond, don’t react.

    Focus on inclusion because segregation has never brought anyone but trouble. 

    When you really can’t stand someone, don’t think of segregating yourself from that person. Instead, find ways to include them in what you do. Find out more about the person, learn their story, and try to understand what drives them. You may find out you’ve been reading them all wrong.

    These things are not easy to do–trust me, I know. When people come to me as a coach and ask how to handle a person they hate, they want a quick fix, but quick fixes aren’t really fixes at all. If it’s going to get better, we have to work harder.

    In a perfect world, we’d get along perfectly in good relationships with all our co-workers. In reality, most of us spend at least some time working with someone we can’t stand– but there are always options to try and make things a little better.

     


     

    N A T I O N A L   B E S T S E L L E R
    The Leadership Gap: What Gets Between You and Your Greatness

    After decades of coaching powerful executives around the world, Lolly Daskal has observed that leaders rise to their positions relying on a specific set of values and traits. But in time, every executive reaches a point when their performance suffers and failure persists. Very few understand why or how to prevent it.

    buy now

     


    Additional Reading you might enjoy:

     

    Photo Credit: Getty Images

    The post How to Get Along with a Co-worker You Hate appeared first on Lolly Daskal.

     
  • feedwordpress 02:18:27 on 2018/06/16 Permalink
    Tags: Bossy, , , Coworker, , , , ,   

    How to Deal With a Bossy Coworker 

    Chances are, you’ve experienced a coworker who can’t resist the urge to tell you how to do your job. Micromanagement is bad enough when it comes from a manager, but it’s even worse coming from a peer. A bossy coworker can make life in the workplace frustrating and even difficult.

    Controlling, bossy people are annoying and frustrating, but with the right mindset and the right attitude you can deal with them effectively. Here are some techniques that can help:

    Stay calm.

    It can be frustrating and upsetting to be told what to do or have someone take over for you. But it’s important that you stay in control of your temper. Bossy people thrive on getting a strong reaction that allows them to be a victim: “I was only trying to help, and they came after me like I’d done something wrong!”

    Be direct.

    To manage your bossy colleague you’re going to have to say something direct and assertive. Take a calm, professional tone and keep your discussion short and succinct. Avoid making a scene and make sure you stay calm and respectful. You might want to explain how their behavior is affecting you, avoiding blaming and sticking to “I” statements, and let them know you want it to stop.

    Don’t take it personally.

    Remember that your coworker’s behavior is not about you, and don’t allow their words or behavior to affect you personally. It’s all about them wanting to feel important and in control–you’re just the person who happens to be within reach.

    Just ignore them.

    In some situations–especially if the bad behavior persists despite your best efforts–it may be best to try ignoring it. If you can brush off your coworker’s bad behavior and just ignore them, you may derail their strategy. If nothing else, you can at least save your own peace of mind.

    Set healthy boundaries.

    Be consistent in asserting your own boundaries. Don’t react to attempts at bossiness but learn to respond by asserting your boundaries so people know not to cross them.

    Seek additional support.

    Enlist the help of your supervisor or a human resources manager if your colleague’s behavior is interfering with your work. Ask other coworkers who are frustrated with the control freak to support you if your manager resists taking action.

    Lead by example.

    Faced with a bossy, domineering coworker–or any difficult person in any area of your life–be the change you wish to see. Model the way you would want to be treated; always speak politely and act with respect.

    A bossy, difficult coworker is an unpleasant addition to any workplace. But if you can manage them with calm, firm resistance, in a way of learning patience, and feeling yourself compassion towards them, you can minimize the frustration.

     


     

    N A T I O N A L   B E S T S E L L E R
    The Leadership Gap: What Gets Between You and Your Greatness

    After decades of coaching powerful executives around the world, Lolly Daskal has observed that leaders rise to their positions relying on a specific set of values and traits. But in time, every executive reaches a point when their performance suffers and failure persists. Very few understand why or how to prevent it.

    buy now

     


    Additional Reading you might enjoy:

     

    Photo Credit: Getty Images

    The post How to Deal With a Bossy Coworker appeared first on Lolly Daskal.

     
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