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  • feedwordpress 08:00:58 on 2019/10/08 Permalink
    Tags: , communication, Difficult Conversation, , , , ,   

    12 Mistakes to Avoid in Difficult Conversations 


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    Sometimes a difficult conversation needs to happen. But even when the signs are all there, we may avoid them because we’re fearful of the outcome. Meanwhile, something remains askew because of our reluctance to address it.

    With preparation and practice, however, you can be more confident in addressing a difficult issue. To help you get started, here are 10 mistakes to avoid:

    Shying away from disagreement. Many people are conflict averse. But what if you view disagreement not as conflict but as an opportunity to explore a different perspective? Lean into those conversations and try to understand the other side by exploring and questioning. Then look for the common ground where a solution can grow.

    Letting your emotions rule your behavior. If a difficult conversation needs to happen, leave any anger, frustration or irritation you may be feeling out of the dialogue. If necessary, find a way to express and release your feelings ahead of time—but make sure you can calm yourself down before the conversation occurs.

    Pushing your views onto others. The last thing you want to do is force your agenda, thoughts and point of view on others, because that will only create something to push back against. Shift your focus to understanding the conflict, and you will find the other person will likely be much more open to your perspective.

    Not saying what you mean to say. If you’re inconsistent in the things you voice and do, trust will be eroded and difficult conversations will become even more difficult. If you want dialogues instead of monologues, make sure you’re a leader that people can count on.

    Taking others’ behavior personally. If you take things personally andcannot separate the person from the behavior, you’ll have a hard time understanding and addressing their priorities. Remember, at the core it’s about them, not you.

    Falling into a combative dialogue. Don’t let conversations turn into a zero-sum game with a winner and a loser. Combativeness will defeat any attempt to find middle ground; instead it will keep you both stuck where you were at the start.

    Getting caught up in the tone rather than the content. Some people are disrespectful in their delivery of a message, and often they are unaware of the negative impact of their tone. If that happens, make it a point to focus on the content of the message instead of the tone.

    Speaking aggressively. An aggressive stance makes a difficult conversation even harder, putting off the other person or even shutting them down altogether. Learn to keep your tone neutral and to simply state what you want. With practice, you can learn to focus on the outcome.

    Making assumptions about the situation. We all make assumptions. In a difficult conversation, an optimist will assume that any disagreement is just a misunderstanding between two well-intentioned people. A pessimist, on the other hand, may feel it’s an attack. Be aware of your own biases and limits going in.

    Losing sight of the objective. The key in any tough talk is to always keep sight of the objective. Doing so will help keep the conversation on track. When you stick to your goals, you can push through any conversation without getting lost.

    Catching people off guard. Never catch people off guard—it makes them uncomfortable. When disagreements flare, make it a point to connect. You’ll be more likely to navigate to a productive outcome and emerge with your relationship intact.

    Avoiding feedback. If people want to share with you what they are feeling and thinking, listen. Tuning out necessary feedback can make it harder to connect and communicate, making the conversation even more difficult.

    Most people try to avoid difficult conversations because they worry about damaging a relationship. But often these conversations make relationships stronger, because the best relationships are those in which you can share all your views, even the hard ones.

    Lead from within: Difficult conversations requires skill, but avoiding them is costly.

     


    #1  N A T I O N A L   B E S T S E L L E R

    The Leadership Gap: What Gets Between You and Your Greatness


    After decades of coaching powerful executives around the world, Lolly Daskal has observed that leaders rise to their positions relying on a specific set of values and traits. But in time, every executive reaches a point when their performance suffers and failure persists. Very few understand why or how to prevent it.

    buy now

     


    Additional Reading you might enjoy:

     

    Photo Credit: iStockPhotos

    The post 12 Mistakes to Avoid in Difficult Conversations appeared first on Lolly Daskal.

     
  • feedwordpress 08:00:16 on 2019/09/19 Permalink
    Tags: , communication, , , , , Listen, , , ,   

    7 Important Habits of Leaders Who Know How to Listen 


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    Great leaders must be effective communicators. That means they have to know how to speak and write clearly—and it also means they also have to know how to listen. Most of us don’t think of listening as a communication skill, but it’s one of the most important. The best leaders are skilled at listening—here’s how they do it:

    They listen with full attention. Most people like to speak, but it’s far more rewarding to listen with your full attention. You retain more, and people talk more—because the sincerest form of respect is actually listening to what another has to say.

    They listen to learn. In most exchanges, people simply react to the latest comment — a logical and often effective approach. But the best leaders are listening to learn. They don’t track conversations as a back-and-forth but as a path to new information. Listening, learning and putting into practice what you’ve learned will always be the best way to build success.

    They listen to understand. Most people listen with the intent to reply in the front of their mind. But true leaders know that in order to empathize and connect with others, you have to first understand them, and that understanding comes from good listening.

    They listen without interrupting. Most leaders have a genuine desire to be helpful, so it’s always tempting to chime in when someone’s speaking. But when you jump in to be helpful, you’re actually robbing them of the chance to fully express themselves and solve the problem on their own. Instead of rushing to respond when someone else speaks, try to zero in on what they’re actually saying. You can always offer help later if it’s still needed.

    They listen to form connections. The best listeners have developed their ability to hear and form connections—and then articulate the connecting points. When you listen and you are able to form connections with what is being spoken, you’ll find you’re well prepared to help people put their thoughts in context and decide what to do next.

    They listen without needing to reply. If you want to be known as a great communicator, you have to learn how to listen without thinking about your reply. As the old saying goes, we have two ears and one tongue. Focus entirely on understanding what’s being said.

    They listen to silence. Sometimes the most important thing in communication is hearing what isn’t said. Listen for awkward pauses, omissions, hesitation. When you do, you’ll become aware of things you haven’t heard before..

    The most successful people I know are the ones who do more listening than talking. Great communication is more about hearing others than it is about being heard yourself.

    Lead from within: When you really listen well, you’ll be able to engage more deeply with your team, colleagues and customers, and that is the sign of great leadership.

     


    #1  N A T I O N A L   B E S T S E L L E R

    The Leadership Gap: What Gets Between You and Your Greatness


    After decades of coaching powerful executives around the world, Lolly Daskal has observed that leaders rise to their positions relying on a specific set of values and traits. But in time, every executive reaches a point when their performance suffers and failure persists. Very few understand why or how to prevent it.

    buy now

     


    Additional Reading you might enjoy:

     

    Photo Credit: iStockPhotos

    The post 7 Important Habits of Leaders Who Know How to Listen appeared first on Lolly Daskal.

     
  • feedwordpress 08:00:09 on 2019/09/10 Permalink
    Tags: Bad Leadership, , , communication, , , , , ,   

    How to Immediately Spot a Bad Leader 


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    As the old saying goes, sitting in a garage doesn’t make you a car. And sitting in an office with a leadership title on the door doesn’t make you a leader—or at least not a good one.

    Most organizations have at least a few bad leaders. Maybe they weren’t prepared to take on a leadership role, or they’re temperamentally unsuited to leadership, Maybe they had bad models to emulate. Or maybe they just don’t care.

    Whatever the cause, you don’t have to look too deep or too far to spot them, because there are traits that almost all bad leaders display on a daily basis. If a leader in your organization exhibits any of these traits, be on alert. Bad leadership doesn’t just affect people who are directly on that person’s team; it carries over and eventually can poison an entire organization.

    The egotistical leader. If you’ve ever been around a self-centered leader, you already know how skilled they are at making everything about themselves. A leader who doesn’t understand the concept of putting the mission and the team above themselves will never gain the confidence, loyalty and trust of those they lead.

    The leader who relies on fear. Many leaders actually pride themselves on leading by creating a culture of fear. They believe that fear will get people to listen to them as a leader—but fear is a sign of weakness, not strength. And the price for being feared is that you’re not respected.

    The leader who avoids conflict. Conflict happens in the workplace all the time, and when a leader avoids conflict in hopes that it will disappear on its own, they are making a mistake. A good leader approaches conflict with an open mind and a proactive plan, so people understand there is a solution. Conflict avoidance only breeds more conflict.

    The know-it-all leader. The best leaders are keenly aware of how much they don’t know. They have no need to be the smartest person in the room, but they do have a determination to learn from others. A leader who isn’t curious, who doesn’t ask lots of questions, isn’t actually leading.

    The leader who isn’t trustworthy. When a leader says one thing and does another, they are not only not accountable but they come across as irresponsible. Real leaders expect to be held to their word.

    The leader who steals the credit. It takes a team to do great things. When a leader takes sole credit for an accomplishment, it disempowers others to work as hard. The best leaders empower and motivate their team with recognition and appreciation.

    The leader who doesn’t listen. Leaders know a lot and they want to communicate what they know—but if they don’t listen at least as much as they speak, they won’t learn from those they lead. Being a bad listener means being a bad leader.

    The leader who thinks they’re always right. An organization where the leader is always right—and everyone who has a different perspective is always wrong—doesn’t leave any room for communication, discussion or sharing thoughts or ideas. All it accomplishes is shutting down productivity and effectiveness.

    The micromanaging leader. A micromanager feels they have to do everything themselves, or control they manner and timing of every team member’s work, to make sure it’s done their way. When they do, they discredit their people’s talents and capabilities.

    The negative leader. When you have a leader who always focuses on the negative, just moving forward can be extremely difficult. Negativity creates a culture of pessimism and gloom that makes achievement seem impossible.

    If any of your leaders display these traits, it’s important to develop a strategy for dealing with them. If you’re working under them, ask yourself if they’re impairing your ability to do your job and possibly harming your career and reputation, and consider asking for a move away from their area—or even leaving for a different organization. If you’re above them in leadership, you’ll need to weigh whether you want to give them a chance to develop better habits, taking into account what’s best for your company, your people, and the success of your brand.

    Lead from within: Not everyone in leadership understands what it takes to lead. Most bad leaders believe their way is the right way, and the best strategy is usually to distance yourself as much as possible.


    #1  N A T I O N A L   B E S T S E L L E R

    The Leadership Gap: What Gets Between You and Your Greatness


    After decades of coaching powerful executives around the world, Lolly Daskal has observed that leaders rise to their positions relying on a specific set of values and traits. But in time, every executive reaches a point when their performance suffers and failure persists. Very few understand why or how to prevent it.

    buy now

     


    Additional Reading you might enjoy:

     

    Photo Credit: iStockPhotos

    The post How to Immediately Spot a Bad Leader appeared first on Lolly Daskal.

     
  • feedwordpress 08:00:16 on 2019/09/05 Permalink
    Tags: , communication, , , , , , , , , ,   

    10 Phrases That Will Help You Handle a Micromanaging Boss  


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    If your boss is a micromanager—the kind who wants to maintain as much control over you as they can—you know how frustrating and irritating it is. It’s possible, though, to take back some control—and these phrases can help you make that happen. Use them to start an effective dialogue that can result in more autonomy and less micromanagement:

    I’m going to do everything in my power to make you look good. If you tell your boss you want to make them look good, there is no reason for them to hound you. Accustomed to resistance, most micromanagers will be glad to hear something positive.

    Your success is important to me. Feed the ego of your micromanager and let them know their success matters to you. Their controlling tendencies are likely to ease if they believe your mind is on them—as they want it to be.

    Tell me how you like the work to be done. You may be able to circumvent a hovering micromanager by getting all the information up front. It will help you do the job you are supposed to do while also meeting their expectations.

    I will do an excellent job for you. When you reassure a micromanager about the quality of your work and show them that excellence is important to you, you may be able to put their perfectionist mind at peace.

    I know you want to help me succeed. Disarming a micromanager is important, and labeling their negative action into something positive may have them agreeing with you. Thank them and let them know you appreciate their investment. The recognition will make them feel good about themselves and it may help them give you some peace.

    I value your guidance. This is another way of disarming the micromanager with a positive twist. If you acknowledge their counsel, you may be able to persuade them that you will come to them when you need them.

    You sometimes know things about the situation that I don’t. This phrase feeds the micromanager’s ego and lets them know that you acknowledge their higher position and that you’ll check in when you need to know more.

    All the hovering, adjustments and changes are affecting my productivity. If nothing else is getting through, tell the truth and be straightforward. Leaders are measured by how much their team achieves. They know that productivity issues reflect poorly on them.

    I am going to show you how I do it on my own. Give the micromanager a rest by walking them through your own processes, showing them your competence and care.

    I am always open to your feedback. Holding yourself open for your micromanager to teach, guide, and mentor can help keep your work relationship on the plane where it belongs.

    A leader who’s constantly looking over their employees’ shoulders can inspire a lot of second-guessing and paranoia, and ultimately ends up running away their most talented people. To stop the micromanager—or at least get them out of your hair—try each of these approaches in turn until the situation is under control.

    Lead From Within: Most people don’t take well to being micromanaged because it leads to a loss of control and autonomy. But there are steps you can take before you decide to leave.


    #1  N A T I O N A L   B E S T S E L L E R

    The Leadership Gap: What Gets Between You and Your Greatness


    After decades of coaching powerful executives around the world, Lolly Daskal has observed that leaders rise to their positions relying on a specific set of values and traits. But in time, every executive reaches a point when their performance suffers and failure persists. Very few understand why or how to prevent it.

    buy now


    Additional Reading you might enjoy:

     

    Photo Credit: iStockPhotos

    The post 10 Phrases That Will Help You Handle a Micromanaging Boss  appeared first on Lolly Daskal.

     
  • feedwordpress 13:55:24 on 2019/07/03 Permalink
    Tags: communication, , ,   

    Quick Tip #90: Stop Butting In 


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    If you’ve prepared your message and know what you want it say, it’s easy to butt in, BUT don’t! Check out this month’s try it differently quick tip at the link below.

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